Reintegration

*** i found this tonight and I wrote it in May of 2012, shortly after my husband return form his first tour in Korea***




One of my favorite T.V. Shows is Army Wives, I know, I know big surprise a military wife that likes Army Wives lol.  In fact I remember talking to my cousin Monica who is an OIF/OEF (Operation Iraqi Freedom/Operation Enduring Freedom) veteran, one evening when Josh and I were still in the "research"stages of enlisting,  one thing she said to me that night was "...military life is nothing like Army Wives..." I look back now and in my personal military life some of that statement is too and someof it isn't.  Had you tried to explain to me 3 years ago what reintegration was I would have had a huge dumb founded look on my face.  Now after 2 deployments in 6 months Iam starting to get an idea.  When my husband returned from Italy in November wee had little to no issue with reintegrating, I remember one day he tried to explain to me that he was finding it difficult to lay down his "airman" mentality and picking back up the "hubby and daddy" mentality, I remember having one small dispute over family pictures and then next thing you know he is packing for Korea.  So this time I tried to listen more carefully to the advice of other military wives and even people here on base I work with to kinda know what to expect.  Everything thing I heard was how he needed to get used to being back home, and how he needs to step back and find a place to fit back in to.  So I made it a point to start explaining things to him before he came home, little things like where I keep the diapers at and even bigger things like how the baby is used to calling daddy "iPad" which we both got a chuckle out of, i was trying anything I could think of to make the transition easier on him, and then he landed...
You see it started out little and looking back it was another little thing that brought me to my knees so to speak. While Josh was in Korea we filed taxes and bought new living room and bedroom furniture, so with that came some rearranging and alittle bit of a new look to the house. I had moved our dogs kennel into the laundry room so that the baby didn't climb into it anymore. I had also bought 2 new dressers for our room,  I decided to throw away all of our old socks and get Josh and I new socks so to be nice I out Josh's new socks in one of the drawers for him all nice and folded.  Along with the new furniture there was also a new routine, the main one being that on Wednesday's we had family day we would come home and do homework and then go get dinner and then finish the night up with church before coming home and going to bed, I can see the questions forming now, what part of any of that would add a ripple to the joyous event of your husband coming home.  The thing Army Wives don't always show you is how truly difficult it is to sit back and watch thing Shane in front of you for the sake of making it easier on him.  Yes it my dream world nothing could put a damper on the joy of having my husband to myself for 2 weeks before he has to go back to work.  When he first came home he moved the kennel back into the living room, because it would be easier to potty train the puppies.  Then last night we were folding laundry a d deciding who gets what drawers in the new dressers and in his defense I had unknowing out his new socks in what we decided was going to be my dresser and it completely made sense to put his new socks in his dresser but dang it, I made that sock drawer for him when he was gone and dang it that's where I wanted it to stay.  Okay yes I do know how completely ridiculous that sounds trust me because I was awake half the night trying to figure out why it bothered me so much if he out his new sock socks in his new dresser or anywhere for that matter.  I promise we are NOT one is those couples who fight over stupid things, heck we barely fight at all but for some reason that sock drawer was not going to be moved if it was the last things did.  Luckily my Josh understood better then I did what I was going through and simply agreed to leave the sock drawer where it was.  Ever since Josh went to Korea Wednesday's have always been hectic, on top of it being family day i usually have Skye spouse meeting on Wednesday, and today was no different. After Gavin's homework Josh came to me and asked if I cared if he just stayed home from church, as much as I wanted him to go with us I tried to hide my disappointment and I suggested we just take both cars to dinner then after we ate he could go ahead and head home and I would take the boys on to church, I guess I wasn't too good at hiding my disappointment because when it came time to leave he went and showered and then got in my car to drive and went ahead and decided to go with us.  Normally I would have been completely stoked but after the sock drawer incident and now church I felt really guilty and to make matters worse he apologized to me for being selfish, lol.  On the way to dinner I was thinking, he was being selfish for wanting to stay home instead of join the family and I was being selfish by wanting him to go with us, being selfish is a very vicious cycle that is never ending,  to one extreme or another anyone who uses the argument that a person is being selfish is in fact being selfish too.  Then it dawned on me, I was having more of a problem with reintegration that Josh was, I know I slow to catch on to these things.  In my  mind reintegration was a problem for Josh and I had to be patient with him, not the other way around.  Once I realized that our week has gone so much smoother, when I feel like Iam about to loose it I just stop and realize that he had a routine down in Korea and I had a totally different routine here in South Carolina and together we have to find OUR new routine.  Things never go perfect but as long as we are going through it side by side then we will find a perfect solution to any problem that comes up.
Last weekend we went to the Shaw Air Expo, right before the Thunderbirds went in the air for their portion of the show they took a moment to thank all the active duty service members around the world, and then they thanked the family members who stay behind when one of them deploy, as always that show of appreciation brought tears to my eyes and I couldn't help but thank, I have had difficult jobs in my life but being the wife of a service members is by far the hardest job I have ever had, but it is also the one that I love the most.  Nothing in life is easy but an easy life isn't worth living either