*** i found this tonight and I wrote it in May of 2012, shortly after my husband return form his first tour in Korea***
One of my favorite T.V. Shows is Army Wives, I know, I know big surprise a military wife that likes Army Wives lol. In fact I remember talking to my cousin Monica who is an OIF/OEF (Operation Iraqi Freedom/Operation Enduring Freedom) veteran, one evening when Josh and I were still in the "research"stages of enlisting, one thing she said to me that night was "...military life is nothing like Army Wives..." I look back now and in my personal military life some of that statement is too and someof it isn't. Had you tried to explain to me 3 years ago what reintegration was I would have had a huge dumb founded look on my face. Now after 2 deployments in 6 months Iam starting to get an idea. When my husband returned from Italy in November wee had little to no issue with reintegrating, I remember one day he tried to explain to me that he was finding it difficult to lay down his "airman" mentality and picking back up the "hubby and daddy" mentality, I remember having one small dispute over family pictures and then next thing you know he is packing for Korea. So this time I tried to listen more carefully to the advice of other military wives and even people here on base I work with to kinda know what to expect. Everything thing I heard was how he needed to get used to being back home, and how he needs to step back and find a place to fit back in to. So I made it a point to start explaining things to him before he came home, little things like where I keep the diapers at and even bigger things like how the baby is used to calling daddy "iPad" which we both got a chuckle out of, i was trying anything I could think of to make the transition easier on him, and then he landed...
You see it started out little and looking back it was another little thing that brought me to my knees so to speak. While Josh was in Korea we filed taxes and bought new living room and bedroom furniture, so with that came some rearranging and alittle bit of a new look to the house. I had moved our dogs kennel into the laundry room so that the baby didn't climb into it anymore. I had also bought 2 new dressers for our room, I decided to throw away all of our old socks and get Josh and I new socks so to be nice I out Josh's new socks in one of the drawers for him all nice and folded. Along with the new furniture there was also a new routine, the main one being that on Wednesday's we had family day we would come home and do homework and then go get dinner and then finish the night up with church before coming home and going to bed, I can see the questions forming now, what part of any of that would add a ripple to the joyous event of your husband coming home. The thing Army Wives don't always show you is how truly difficult it is to sit back and watch thing Shane in front of you for the sake of making it easier on him. Yes it my dream world nothing could put a damper on the joy of having my husband to myself for 2 weeks before he has to go back to work. When he first came home he moved the kennel back into the living room, because it would be easier to potty train the puppies. Then last night we were folding laundry a d deciding who gets what drawers in the new dressers and in his defense I had unknowing out his new socks in what we decided was going to be my dresser and it completely made sense to put his new socks in his dresser but dang it, I made that sock drawer for him when he was gone and dang it that's where I wanted it to stay. Okay yes I do know how completely ridiculous that sounds trust me because I was awake half the night trying to figure out why it bothered me so much if he out his new sock socks in his new dresser or anywhere for that matter. I promise we are NOT one is those couples who fight over stupid things, heck we barely fight at all but for some reason that sock drawer was not going to be moved if it was the last things did. Luckily my Josh understood better then I did what I was going through and simply agreed to leave the sock drawer where it was. Ever since Josh went to Korea Wednesday's have always been hectic, on top of it being family day i usually have Skye spouse meeting on Wednesday, and today was no different. After Gavin's homework Josh came to me and asked if I cared if he just stayed home from church, as much as I wanted him to go with us I tried to hide my disappointment and I suggested we just take both cars to dinner then after we ate he could go ahead and head home and I would take the boys on to church, I guess I wasn't too good at hiding my disappointment because when it came time to leave he went and showered and then got in my car to drive and went ahead and decided to go with us. Normally I would have been completely stoked but after the sock drawer incident and now church I felt really guilty and to make matters worse he apologized to me for being selfish, lol. On the way to dinner I was thinking, he was being selfish for wanting to stay home instead of join the family and I was being selfish by wanting him to go with us, being selfish is a very vicious cycle that is never ending, to one extreme or another anyone who uses the argument that a person is being selfish is in fact being selfish too. Then it dawned on me, I was having more of a problem with reintegration that Josh was, I know I slow to catch on to these things. In my mind reintegration was a problem for Josh and I had to be patient with him, not the other way around. Once I realized that our week has gone so much smoother, when I feel like Iam about to loose it I just stop and realize that he had a routine down in Korea and I had a totally different routine here in South Carolina and together we have to find OUR new routine. Things never go perfect but as long as we are going through it side by side then we will find a perfect solution to any problem that comes up.
Last weekend we went to the Shaw Air Expo, right before the Thunderbirds went in the air for their portion of the show they took a moment to thank all the active duty service members around the world, and then they thanked the family members who stay behind when one of them deploy, as always that show of appreciation brought tears to my eyes and I couldn't help but thank, I have had difficult jobs in my life but being the wife of a service members is by far the hardest job I have ever had, but it is also the one that I love the most. Nothing in life is easy but an easy life isn't worth living either
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Super mom and super spouse all in one day
So a few weeks ago my grandma came out to visit, and it has been so awesome having her here, during the first few days she was here visiting were to me just like normal I would wake up with no plans and within minutes my day was booked solid, I remember her asking me if everyday is like that and I just remember laughing. She caught on real quick to how crazy my life really is. So last night I called to tell my mom-in -law about my day and she told me... "you are always searching for something to write about in your blog you should write about your day today in your blog, so here you guys are for your reading pleasure.
It started in Thursday, I looked at my calendar when I got up and I should have known that something would go crazy because for once my calendar was completely blank for a Friday. When I was sitting down with the baby for lunch I got an email telling me that we had a key spouse meeting on Friday. So first thing Friday morning when I got up I did my hair and make up and chose the outfit I was going to wear, and woke up the baby. After breakfast I enjoyed sitting on the floor playing with the baby for a little bit and watching him and grandma have a pillow fight and play fetch...wait let me clarify Nanny would throw the ball and justice would run after it, no my 80 year old grandma would not chase the ball for Justice. Before I knew it I was running out of time to get ready and beside my hair and make up I did NOT look good enough to walk into a classroom for the vision impaired let alone a meeting with the chiefs wife and the first shirt's wife, so now just like usual I am busting my bum to hurry up and get dressed and out the door. Of course I walk into the meeting a few minutes late, which for me is almost a record. The meeting went great I walked away feeling better about the program then I had in along time, but I also walked out of the meeting in a hurry...of course because you see Gavin's school was having a book fair and it closed at 1445 and it was already 1415 and I still had to run home and get the money which I conveniently left at home, and it takes me 10 minutes to get through base housing alone. So at 1440 I pull into Gavin's school parking lot and drag my rear out of the car onto my incredibly sore feet that looked amazing in my 3 inch wedges (mind you I am usually sporting flip flops) get into the school find out that they have one of the two books that Gavin wanted so I had to find ANOTHER Titanic book that I was hoping that he approve of. On my way home I was thinking how truly blessed my life is, busy and hectic but truly blessed. When I got home I pulled in and got my purse and my key spouse bag out as I went to the other of the car to get Gavin's books out, Gavin came out and extremely politely asked me if he could help me get my things in the house...which looking back now should have been my warning...but at the time I was just thinking I didn't have to carry all that stuff in the house by myself lol. When I walked in my grandma told me that Gavin had something he needed to tell me, immediately Gavin starts crying and telling me that he didn't want to tell me that I would be madder at him then I had ever been before, which to me was rather doubtful but I went ahead and had me tell me... Apparently while he was walking home from the bus stop one of his "friends" was "playing" by jumping in front of on coming cars!?! Now you have to know Gavin to understand the full confusion of this next part, his "friend" then told him that if he didn't do it too then he was going to punch him?!?! So what does my 7 year old boy do? He goes ahead and jumps in front of the next oncoming car, first off thank God the car was going slower then the speed limit and stopped as soon and the usually relatively bright 7year steps off the curb, but... Then there was a car behind that one who thankfully took it upon herself to call security forces who were nice enough to escort Gavin home. Now imagine my utter shock standing in my living room while Gavin is telling me ALL of this, meanwhile Justice (the baby) has walked up and insisted that I hold him during the "story time", every few seconds demands my attention so that he can give me a really gooey and slobbery kisses, lucky me...right? my grandma goes on to explain that not only had Gavin decided to play tag with cars but he had also rode his bike to the bus stop that morning, knowing he was not allowed to do so, without his helmet, knowing it is a base law you have to have on a helmet when riding. So security forces let Gavin off on a warning and explain the importance of making safe decisions on base and how he has to wear a helmet when riding his bike on base. All of this happening the week before my husband is to sew on his new promotion. So instantly I don't know which to more upset about my son being escorted home by security forces or the fact that, had security forces done more then give him a warning Gavin's actions could have jeopardized Josh's promotion. So after the long talk, and handing out a suitable punishment, which was making him clean his brothers room since I had already cleaned his shortly before grandma got here, we decided it was time to go get something to eat, after we ate one of Gavin's friend's mom called me and asked if Gavin could spend the night and go to the zoo with them on Saturday morning, now I know he just got in a butt ton of trouble and no he didn't deserve to go to the zoo, but why should I be punished too, I have also learned with Gavin that sometimes we just need time apart to help the situation out, so yes I let him go. After taking Gavin to his friends house I finally get home to relax with my grandma. And then... It was time to give the baby a bath before bed so I put him in the kitchen sink, as he is sitting on the side of the sink and I am checking the water I turn too look at him and he had gotten the brand new fly tape stuck to his head... Seriously!?! Of course I don't even begin to know how to fix this one lol so I have to get grandma in there to help me, so after pasting his hair with peanut butter and shampooing a couple of time I finally get to put him to bed and then pull myself into my bed. As I lay there I begin to think of my life before the military, I used to work for the government too and be a single mom and wow this whole being a military spouse and super mom is seriously the most difficult job I have ever had.
It started in Thursday, I looked at my calendar when I got up and I should have known that something would go crazy because for once my calendar was completely blank for a Friday. When I was sitting down with the baby for lunch I got an email telling me that we had a key spouse meeting on Friday. So first thing Friday morning when I got up I did my hair and make up and chose the outfit I was going to wear, and woke up the baby. After breakfast I enjoyed sitting on the floor playing with the baby for a little bit and watching him and grandma have a pillow fight and play fetch...wait let me clarify Nanny would throw the ball and justice would run after it, no my 80 year old grandma would not chase the ball for Justice. Before I knew it I was running out of time to get ready and beside my hair and make up I did NOT look good enough to walk into a classroom for the vision impaired let alone a meeting with the chiefs wife and the first shirt's wife, so now just like usual I am busting my bum to hurry up and get dressed and out the door. Of course I walk into the meeting a few minutes late, which for me is almost a record. The meeting went great I walked away feeling better about the program then I had in along time, but I also walked out of the meeting in a hurry...of course because you see Gavin's school was having a book fair and it closed at 1445 and it was already 1415 and I still had to run home and get the money which I conveniently left at home, and it takes me 10 minutes to get through base housing alone. So at 1440 I pull into Gavin's school parking lot and drag my rear out of the car onto my incredibly sore feet that looked amazing in my 3 inch wedges (mind you I am usually sporting flip flops) get into the school find out that they have one of the two books that Gavin wanted so I had to find ANOTHER Titanic book that I was hoping that he approve of. On my way home I was thinking how truly blessed my life is, busy and hectic but truly blessed. When I got home I pulled in and got my purse and my key spouse bag out as I went to the other of the car to get Gavin's books out, Gavin came out and extremely politely asked me if he could help me get my things in the house...which looking back now should have been my warning...but at the time I was just thinking I didn't have to carry all that stuff in the house by myself lol. When I walked in my grandma told me that Gavin had something he needed to tell me, immediately Gavin starts crying and telling me that he didn't want to tell me that I would be madder at him then I had ever been before, which to me was rather doubtful but I went ahead and had me tell me... Apparently while he was walking home from the bus stop one of his "friends" was "playing" by jumping in front of on coming cars!?! Now you have to know Gavin to understand the full confusion of this next part, his "friend" then told him that if he didn't do it too then he was going to punch him?!?! So what does my 7 year old boy do? He goes ahead and jumps in front of the next oncoming car, first off thank God the car was going slower then the speed limit and stopped as soon and the usually relatively bright 7year steps off the curb, but... Then there was a car behind that one who thankfully took it upon herself to call security forces who were nice enough to escort Gavin home. Now imagine my utter shock standing in my living room while Gavin is telling me ALL of this, meanwhile Justice (the baby) has walked up and insisted that I hold him during the "story time", every few seconds demands my attention so that he can give me a really gooey and slobbery kisses, lucky me...right? my grandma goes on to explain that not only had Gavin decided to play tag with cars but he had also rode his bike to the bus stop that morning, knowing he was not allowed to do so, without his helmet, knowing it is a base law you have to have on a helmet when riding. So security forces let Gavin off on a warning and explain the importance of making safe decisions on base and how he has to wear a helmet when riding his bike on base. All of this happening the week before my husband is to sew on his new promotion. So instantly I don't know which to more upset about my son being escorted home by security forces or the fact that, had security forces done more then give him a warning Gavin's actions could have jeopardized Josh's promotion. So after the long talk, and handing out a suitable punishment, which was making him clean his brothers room since I had already cleaned his shortly before grandma got here, we decided it was time to go get something to eat, after we ate one of Gavin's friend's mom called me and asked if Gavin could spend the night and go to the zoo with them on Saturday morning, now I know he just got in a butt ton of trouble and no he didn't deserve to go to the zoo, but why should I be punished too, I have also learned with Gavin that sometimes we just need time apart to help the situation out, so yes I let him go. After taking Gavin to his friends house I finally get home to relax with my grandma. And then... It was time to give the baby a bath before bed so I put him in the kitchen sink, as he is sitting on the side of the sink and I am checking the water I turn too look at him and he had gotten the brand new fly tape stuck to his head... Seriously!?! Of course I don't even begin to know how to fix this one lol so I have to get grandma in there to help me, so after pasting his hair with peanut butter and shampooing a couple of time I finally get to put him to bed and then pull myself into my bed. As I lay there I begin to think of my life before the military, I used to work for the government too and be a single mom and wow this whole being a military spouse and super mom is seriously the most difficult job I have ever had.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)