That's exactly where I found myself residing at the beginning of this year. I order the same meal if we eat out somewhere, fixing the same meals for my family, absolutely content with where my life is and how everything was going. What was wrong with that you say? I mean you were content nothing was going wrong, at that particular moment, to most that would sound perfect and to me it was until one day at Wal-mart. Josh had taken the kids out to the car while I stayed inside to check out, from where I was standing I could hear 2 kids screaming from the other side of the store. After I got my stuff bagged up, i was heading out the door and I saw the clearance stuff and as anyone with a joint bank account knows that is a woman's kryptonite, so of course I went in, while I was looking around the screaming came closer until i looked up and saw an exhausted and completely drained looking woman with two very upset little boys, seeing as I am sure that I have had the exact same look a time or two I instantly felt sorry for the worry, not for the obvious reason but since we live in a town that is most Active Duty military or retired military it was an easy assumption that this woman's husband was deployed therefore rendering her the equivalence of a single mom for as little as six months. I gave her a smile and a sympathetic nod and said a silent prayer for her and her babies. A few moments later as I went to leave I heard the door greater make a statement to her co worker about the mother and it went something like this "all she needed to do was beat their asses". And that is when it all started, I asked myself what the chances were that this Walmart employee had in fact mastered the art of parent, I mean she found the one trick that works on every child that makes raising them successful and approved by all? Or was she just being extremely judgmental? To begin with my New Years resolution was just to make sure I am not being anything like that employee and stop allowing the negativity that comes with judgmental people in my life, I have to say those first couple of weeks of voicing my opinion and deleting people on Facebook was very liberating. However I soon grew content again and it hit me that i wasn't doing enough to better myself, and then my resolution soon began to change I dint just want to not be judgmental I want to make myself better for both me and my family. I started looking into things I had wanted for awhile and the top of my list was to lose weight. After years of trying every fad diet there is, I decided I wasn't going to set myself up to fail again, I then started going through the profess of getting weight loss surgery. Then came going back to school, I have put it off for years because I didn't know what I wanted to be when I "grew up". A friend of ours came to us and asked if Josh would be willing to officiate there extremely last minute wedding (2 days later), it was to be a simple ceremony but there were still details that needed to be taken care of, and I LOVED IT!!!, it was then after planning my second last minute wedding i decided I wanted to go to school to be an event/wedding planner and designer. through all of this one thing has been brought up to me, how are you going to do both? Yes, i have 3 little kids, 2 of which do not go to school. And it hit me, if if it were it were easy I would have done it sooner, and in what world is making yourself a different, hopefully better person ever going to be easy? Yes the surgery is helpful, but it is no way easy not only for the obvious reason, but also because the surgery is a tool, it isn't there to be the magic cure to obesity, for me it is a tool to allowing to finally be able to hit the gym and workouts and not feel like the only thing I am getting out of the deal is disappointment. For years I have wanted to workout and enjoy the liberties of running and playing with my kids, I can not wait for the day when I can take my kids on a family vacation and be able to keep up with them without completely hat in myself for allowing it to get this bad. So many times people see fat people and think look at them they do not take care of themselves, or look they are lazy Iam here to tell you that I in no way will ever make excuses I know I am obese and up until recently I was completely OK with it, i have everything anyone would want I have a loving husband, 3 beautiful kids and all the love anyone could ask for, however I also have one more thing I have a history of heart disease in my family, therefore making it more likely that I can't be around for my kids as I would like, so at this time in my life I have decided to change my future.
School was a little bit easier to explained, I remember watching the movie "The Wedding Planner" and thinking that looks like so much fun, your job would include all details, and decorations, to make sure that a person's day goes exactly the way they always dreamed it would. All to often because of financial reasons or timing woman give up their "dream" wedding just so that they can be with the one they love. Especially being a military family I see this happen all the time, deployments, TDY's and PCS's rush people into a "shotgun" wedding. Why? I decided it is going to be my goal to try and still give brides to be the chance at their dream wedding even if it is last minute. Is it going to save a life? No. Is it going to to be saving someone from the law, making sure justice is served or writing new laws? No. I know its not going to make a lot of money and it will probably never considered "important" by the general public, but lucky for me the first part of my New Year's resolution made it possible for me not to care, I care about me and my family, and this is what makes me happy therefore making my family happy.
i Have said all of this to say that I am know its not going to be easy and to honest I look forward to the challenges, I know that through challenges comes triumph, and I am ready to take the victory over there these hurdles in my life. I have been so extremely blessed in my life that God felt the need hand me hurdles from a young age, it is said that God never gives us more then we can handle, and I think due to the difficulties I have faced in my life I feel like I am more then ready for this set of hurdles, and I will come through and ROCK this. I am also excited that I was blessed with a wonderful support system, everyone so far has been wonderfully supportive, not to say there has been no concerns but it was all the while concern for me and my health.
Hopefully by this time next year I will be a new person all the way around, I look forward to the exciting things that are coming for my family and getting to know the new Jeni.
